I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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