Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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