no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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