Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
