okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
