I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
