Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
