I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
