when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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