I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
