I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
