This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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