bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
