so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
