A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
