maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
