Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
