i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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