that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
