She went from zero to smokin in five shots
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
