physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
