I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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