God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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