thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
