Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
