I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
