I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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