I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
