I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I came so hard my ears popped.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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