I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
