I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
