Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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