She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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