When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
