We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
