2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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