There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
