btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
