I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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