dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I cut my penus on the lid.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I touched a dick in church today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
