Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
