The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sober January is a disaster.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
