He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
