Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
