I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
