I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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