she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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