Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
