this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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