New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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