The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
