Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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