I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
